Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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