I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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