I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize