tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
