wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
