then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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