1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The air was thick with penises
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
