Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
