My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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