you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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