nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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