I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
