I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
