if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i now understand why vodka
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
