goodnight i made you a song goodbye
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize