I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
