Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Still dying that you shit outside
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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