I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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