i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
