No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
