Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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