I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
