Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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