the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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