OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
