you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
