its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I want is dick and wine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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