i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
