how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your penis caused this!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize