I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
