Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Green mimosas i think yes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i think im in europe. pls send help
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
