??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize