ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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