he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
