My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
