Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
