Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
