i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The uberlube is also flammable
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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