dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize