Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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