obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
