My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
