'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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