Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
