bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
