I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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