Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
