my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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