Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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