I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
