Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
