I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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