Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You're earring is so big in my mouth
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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