she looked like the before picture.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
