How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
