I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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