Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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