Whod you bang
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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