Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
