beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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