I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
