wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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