Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
