She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
