haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
