I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
