Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
