i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize