Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
