get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
