Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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