On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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