Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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