Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
